Monday, May 2, 2022

A Girl Can Dream


Mother's Day really snuck up on me this year, which is odd because I usually spend weeks dreading it, then cry and feel depressed and disappointed on the holiday itself. Why? Well, I have a complicated relationship with my mother (read about that in Insatiable) and an even more fraught relationship to my own identity as a mother (see also Insatiable and this blog). 

But celebrate Mother's Day we will because the calendar and culture and capitalism demand it.

My oldest child is the only one who bothers to ask what I want for Mother's Day. This year, I told her the truth: "There's nothing I want that you can actually get me."

But that doesn't mean I don't desire anything. Quite the contrary. In addition to things that I believe many mothers want (universal healthcare, government-subsidized childcare), I also want many impossible, ridiculous, unrealistic, and absurd things. So why not share them? At the very least, we can all have a laugh at my expense. 

Here is what I would like for Mother's Day:

- A lifetime supply of Xanax. 

- The ability to eat as many Reese's peanut butter cups as I want with no physical repercussions.

- A nightly massage that does not make me feel obligated to do anything in return.

- A home state where I can walk outside every day but miraculously don't sweat enough to warrant a shower afterwards.

- A new, fulfilling career that does not require me to use the internet...ever.

- An eraser for the internet. 

- Two hours a day to do whatever the fuck I want (but let's be real, I'd probably just exercise and work).

- An affordable au pair who is good with the kids but not so good I feel inferior. Also, not too pretty, for the same reason.

- My very own Sex and the City-style cast of girlfriends. (Circa the original series, not the reboot.)

- A date with a particular ex (or two) where I look and feel 10 years younger than I do now but behave like the grown-ass woman I am (or don't).

Obviously, none of that is forthcoming. (But feel free to surprise me, life.) A girl can dream. 

Seriously, though, children are a gift and I am so grateful to be a mother that expecting presents from my kids seems redundant. My children are my favorite people on Earth and are literally my reason for staying alive. What more could I ask for? Everything beyond motherhood is just icing on the cake.

Speaking of which, there will be cake, right?

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